He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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