Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
