I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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