Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
