i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize