maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
