I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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