a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
