so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
