Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
