Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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