Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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