I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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