don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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