I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
