The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My vagina just recognized that song.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
