Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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