omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
