she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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