I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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