one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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