Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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