i always forget guys have bellybuttons
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
