i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
