I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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