So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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