Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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