.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
