i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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