i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
