the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
