I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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