I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
