nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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