There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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