Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
