highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
