i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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