omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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