Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
