I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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