when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
