oh god the rape fog is back!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Found the puke drawer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
