Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
