My room smells like vodka and shame
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
