I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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