He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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