He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
