She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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