I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
