So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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