Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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