So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
