Porn is love you can see.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize