if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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