Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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