The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize