Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
