I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
