what day is it and did you see me today?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
