what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
