FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
