Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
