I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
