Buhtt sex?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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