I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
