Pants 0. Shit 1.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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