dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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