Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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