Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
