He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
