I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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