i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
