Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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