My sheets look like a crime scene.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize