it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
