you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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