omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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