I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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