I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
