my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize