I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
