I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
