i barfeds in our rink
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
