Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize