Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
