I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
