thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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