Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
