Non-Jews are for practice
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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