My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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