It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
