Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
