just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
