She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
