i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
