Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize