Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im holly from the hills drunk
Reggie can tackle my bush.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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