listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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