A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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