every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
