did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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