so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
