so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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