Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
