we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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