Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
