Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize