well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
