is your mom at the bar?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
