Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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