Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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