this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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